Good mourning, Sunshine!

I hate his freaking guts

Wow.

Extremely strange thing happened today

His mum contacted me, to buy me lunch one workday… Whattttt!! This is mind boggling, it’s been more than 5 months since her son broke my heart.. I don’t talk to him anymore. Yes I still think of him but I force myself to stop, why on earth this is happening I don’t understand.

Will she talk about how much he loves his new life? Is it inappropriate? I didn’t want to be rude… But if/when he finds out.. Wont he think I’m some lame loser who obviously isn’t over him and is trying to cling to any last piece of him. Wow this is such a weird situation.

Hook up 2 last night
Ran into all his friends last night.. Could have bolted in the opposite direction but stayed and chatted to show that I’m doing well (even if I’m not always doing well)…. They hardly talk to him anymore. He has totally forgotten about his life in Australia. His friends are getting engaged as pregnant.. I wonder how he feels about that!

Hooked up with someone else last night.. Felt weird but not bad. Maybe the old saying is true - to get over someone get under someone else. Hhaha no I’m not that desperate. I still miss him all the time but my anger at him still remains, and i still cry sometimes. Hate knowing he is loving life so much when I’m sort of just getting by. He told me he thought I was a bit too much of a homebody, so I’m making an effort to go to everything I’m invited too… So far so good.. But he also told me he didn’t lust after me anymore. That i can’t change.

My heart is broken again

He hooked up with another girl, a girl that he met when he was in London without me and told me he would only catch up with her because he didn’t know anyone else.

When I found out, it felt like my heart had ripped out of my chest it was pulsing so hard, my entire body started to shake. HOW COULD HE move on already when I still LOVE him, when it takes actual courage and effort to face everyday without him in my life, and he’s already getting with someone new.

I feel absolutely sick and like I want to end my life. I obviously wont, but, I would love to be numb.